Friday, June 30, 1944

It’s the last day of the month. Time flew, I barely have two weeks left. I haven’t been able to write since I started my preparation for the coming of Olivia. The days and nights have been long, I now wonder if I’ll be able to finish them all before her arrival. I am only able to work on the house after my day at the farm and I look forward to this weekend when I can devote more time to this.

I came from town to buy the materials for the bathroom renovation. The last two days I’ve spent moving my parents’ personal things to the basement trying to clear the house down to the basic necessities. I did not realize how much work this was going to be for I had filled up a few boxes already and these were just from my parents’ bedroom. Add this to the time spent down memory lane when I discovered that my Ma was indeed the subtle collector. She had things hidden in many a nook and cranny. I felt like I was ten years old again, digging up treasures and making up a story behind an object. I wonder if she did that on purpose. It’s a shame that it took me this long to find these, once her special possessions, because I’ve been quite diligent dwelling in my own grief these past few years.

Once I clear their things away, Olivia will be able to put her own personal touch to the house. I just hope that she will respect the fact that it was once my parents’ home. Hopefully in time, I’ll be able to share these with her.

I found my father’s watch the other evening and I had unconsciously wound it. The ticking somehow gave me comfort. I so miss Pa. There are certain things that I can’t put in a box for now.

There are times when I can’t wait for the day that Olivia and I will meet so I can quell the anxiety that plague me everyday but there are also moments when I feel I’ll be leaving this part of my life, my parents and Daniel, their memory prematurely reduced to boxes stored in our basement. Most of the time I fear what lies ahead for me. How will life with her be for years to come? What am I putting myself into? Olivia grew up in a different environment than I did. She studied extensively and had a lot of schooling, I wonder how I am going to balance this difference in lifestyles. The farm may not meet her expectations but I hope she will approve of its humble existence. For now I should not expect so much from her. I doubt my parents would have predicted the way I would be married and I wonder what their opinion would have been were they still living.