Saturday, June 24, 1944

I think my mind had been so bothered lately that last night I had such a vivid dream. It was so clear and bizarre that I am writing this before I forget and before I make my morning coffee.

In my dream Martha was with child once again. I am laughing as I write this for she’s always said that three was her number, just like we were. That is why I know it will be almost an impossibility that she will be in the family way again. Yet, in my dream it was not anything close to strange but it felt so normal there. We were at the Sunday potluck when her water broke. I immediately sprang into action as though I’ve delivered babies all my life. I got Mrs. Pratt to boil some water and I had ripped all the cloth covers from the tables for Martha to lay down. I instructed Hank through the process while I soothed and assured Martha that all will be all right. The baby was born and then the scene had changed. Suddenly, the Reverend was handing the baby to me. We were all in church. Martha and Hank were there. Martha didn’t look like she just gave birth. They stood like they were godparents to the child I was carrying in my arms. It felt like that, without anyone telling me, I knew the child was abandoned by her parents. They all gave me consoling smiles. The child now depended on me, it was all up to me to take care of her and give her a future. I felt complete and I felt she belonged to me all my life. I cannot describe the exact feeling but I knew then when I saw her that she was meant for me, that I waited for her and this was how it was supposed to be. I fell in love with her, she gave me contentment and the happiness I’ve never had for such a long time. I woke up light-hearted and since had caused an indelible smile on my lips.


I did my morning chores at the barn and had cooked quite a storm till noon. There will be enough food for lunch and dinner for the rest of the coming week. In the afternoon I found myself standing at the door of the Reverend’s house. I only meant to bring some eggs and milk for them, which I often do, but I must have carried a look on my face then that he smiled and invited me in.

Mrs. Case left us to talk in the parlor. He inquired about the farm and I started to tell him that I didn’t get much from what he said on his last visit. I finally learned that the girl’s name is Olivia Dunne. She is the daughter of his close friend from Denver. Her mother had just recently died and now she found herself inappropriately pregnant. They come from a modest family and her father is a respectable figure in their parish community.

I asked him why he chose me although in the back of my mind I had assumed it is because there aren’t many of us unmarried men here.

“Son, you both have lost someone very dear to you. I thought maybe this was a sign that you two were supposed to cross paths. Thomas could have married his daughter to anyone over there but he called on me and somehow I only thought of you.”

I was fortunate that he did not rush an answer from me then. It is one thing about the Reverend, he does not put pressure on anyone, he lets things fall into place. He even encouraged that I should think and pray about it and that he will understand if I eventually turn him down. Of course I am aware that even if he can wait, the girl’s condition and father cannot. I have determined that I’ll give Reverend an answer by Tuesday, a full week after he came to me. I want to put all this behind me. I think it’s the rightful thing to do. I just pray that I would somehow get some sign and that whatever decision I end up with then will be the right one.