Wednesday, June 21, 1944

I woke up today thinking yesterday was a dream. Maybe I had dreamt it all. I value my peace here in the farm but sometimes, living alone has its disadvantages. I decided to drop by Martha’s at noon.

Franklin must have sensed my anxiety and had been following me all morning long. I am glad for the companionship. He is my reliable sounding board since I found myself living alone in my parents’ farm.

Martha didn’t look surprised when I ended up at her kitchen for lunch. I normally come over on Thursdays and today was indeed unusual for me to be at her house. I expected a remark but instead she followed me with her eyes. I thought she was assessing my demeanor today and I gave her a wry smile. I think we’ve both been quiet for sometime. My mind was distracted by a lot of thinking and only when Martha had cleared her throat and handed me my sandwich did I remember that I was not the only person in the house.

“Has Reverend Case been by your way lately?” I heard her start.
“He has, how do you know?”
“I saw him two days ago and he had asked me about how you might react to something he was planning to discuss with you that will affect your future”

So I did not dream it after all.

I guess my silence prompted her to say something. I saw sincere concern in her eyes. Martha has never been the sister who meddles and I thank her for that, however, just this once I am glad that she had said something for I hardly know where to begin. She sat next to me and I can’t help but remember that how she does this reminds me so much of our mother.

“When Rev. Case first mentioned it to me, I cannot make anything of it. I can’t even consider that he would even propose such an arrangement but he is obliged to help his friend in Denver, who I was told was also an old friend of his whose wife just recently passed.” She hesitated and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know it’s not an easy decision to make and it will be wholly up to you to accept it or not. Do not feel obligated but do weigh the significance and value of what he proposed to you Ray”

“I can’t believe I’d even consider an arranged marriage Martha. Down the line, I know I want to get married, but I’ve been a traditional guy and I want a marriage just like Pa and Ma had. I can’t imagine finding the right person through this manner at all.”

She was silent. There. I spoke what I had in my mind. Somehow my thoughts are becoming more coherent now and I am glad that I came by today.

Something struck me though with what Martha had imparted to me on my way out the door. “Ray, I wonder how you’d find the right person if you hardly even leave the farm, maybe this is a revelation that may turn out to be a blessing in disguise, you never know.”

I never thought to think of it this way – that this could be a blessing in disguise. When I was able to voice out my feelings this afternoon to Martha, I thought I can finally get this behind me but now I find myself contemplating the proposal again. What if? I prayed about this tonight, I hope God will find a way to guide me through this.